


Aiming For the Sky

by thekindworthreading



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, that´s all there is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23650552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindworthreading/pseuds/thekindworthreading
Summary: Eliza gets a call that Philip is in the hospital. We all know how the story goes.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Philip Hamilton & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	Aiming For the Sky

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine told me to listen to Small by Olivera, because it has "strong Philip feels" so that happened... did I cry? We´ll never know

Eliza nearly drops her phone when she hears her husband saying: “Pip is in the hospital. He got shot. It looks bad.”

 _He got shot._ _Pip got shot._

The words reverberate in her mind, but still she refuses to accept them. It must be a joke. That can´t be happening, though from the tone of Alexander´s voice she knows how serious this is. She just about manages to ask in which hospital Philip is, before she ends the call, gets into her car and starts driving. Dread courses through her veins, her heart beating loud and fast. Her grip onto the steering wheel is so tight, that her knuckles stand out white against her skin, and it´s the only thing she can do to keep them from shaking.

_Everything will be fine. Pip will be fine._

She thinks those two sentences like a mantra on her reckless drive to the hospital. Miraculously, she arrives at the hospital without any incident and leaves her car near the entrance, not caring if she is even allowed to park here.

She runs into the entrance hall and up to the reception desk, not caring about the other people waiting there.

“Philip Hamilton, where is he?”, she asks frantically, her voice cracking as she says her son´s name.

The nurse seems to recognise the name, because her face falls a bit and she gives Eliza an almost sad smile.

“You´re his mother?”

“Yes.”, her voice is barely above a whisper, but the nurse seems to understand her.

She gestures another nurse to take her place and gets out of the small room that holds the reception. She guides her down the corridor, past other patients, doctors and nurses, but Eliza doesn´t notice, everything around her blurring together.

“Is he alive?”, she asks finally, not sure if she wants to hear the answer.

The nurse struggles for words, until she just says: “We´re nearly there.”

“How did this happen?”, Eliza asks instead, not even expecting an answer. “Who did this?”

She just has to fill the silence or else she might go insane.

“I don´t know, I´m sorry.”

The nurse stops in front of a door and Eliza hesitates a moment. Her stomach clenches in fear and she feels like she is about to throw up. She takes a deep breath, before she opens the door with shaky hands.

At the noise of the door Alexander looks up at her and their eyes meet.

“Eliza.”, he says her name like a prayer, desperate and lost.

He is crying and clinging to Philip´s hand, his face full of agony. For a moment she is paralyzed with dread, before she rushes over to the bed and takes Pip´s other hand. His hand is cold, far too cold, and his face is pale. His eyes are glazed as he looks up at her.

“Mama.”, he whispers, his voice weak.

It´s a name he hasn´t called her for years. One that was reserved for when he was scared of things little boys are supposed to be scared of – like nightmares or saying hello to strangers – and not of dying in their parents´ arms.

“Shhh, I´m here, Pip. I´m here. I got you.”, she says, trying to sound strong for him.

A single tear slips down her cheek, followed by another one, and another one, until there is a steady stream of tears falling down her pale face, as she strokes Philip´s hair and face. All the fear and dread being released that has been building inside her since she got Alexander´s call. She looks up at Alex for a moment and when he notices it, he meets her eyes and shakes his head. She can´t supress the agonized sob as she looks down at her Philip, her son, her beautiful baby, her sunshine.

“I´m so cold.”, he says with a shaky voice.

She pulls the cover higher, tucking him in like she did when he was a child.

“I know, baby. I know.”

She hears Alex sobbing softly and it breaks her heart even more.

“Mama.”, he sounds lost and scared.

“Shhh, you are doing so great. My perfect little boy.”

Philip gives her tired and dazed smile.

“I feel so small and dark.”

Eliza rakes her fingers through his hair and presses a kiss to his head.

“You are here baby, with us. With mama and papa.”

“Yeah, we got you.”, Alex says, his voice sounding just as devastated as Eliza´s.

“I want to go home. I´m tired and cold.”, Philip mumbles, and Eliza sees him fighting to keep his eyes open.

“We will. We will go home, Pip.”, her voice breaks as she says his name. “It´s okay. I know you are tired.”

“Do you remember the song you used to sing for me?”, Philip asks, the words causing him visible effort.

Eliza nods, a pained smile on his face.

“Yes, I remember.”

There was only one song Philip always wanted to hear, one that she sang over and over again, millions of times, until he was too old for it.

“Can you sing it? Can you sing me to sleep mama?”

She bites her lip in an attempt to hold the sobs in, still she can´t help the anguished whimpers escaping her. She takes a few shaky breaths, before she starts to sing, her voice raw and full of heartbreak.

“Do you…”, her voice breaks with a sob.

She feels Alex´ hand grabbing her own and clings desperately to it. The gesture gives her enough strength to do as Philip had asked.

“Do you know how many stars there be,  
In the deep blue sky above?  
Do you know all the clouds that flee  
Over all the world that we love?  
God alone has count over all,  
That not one be missed at all,  
Of the number that there be.

Of the number that there be.”

There is a small blissed-out smile on Philip´s face, and he leans into the touch of Eliza´s hand. Her voice is still unsteady as she starts singing the second verse.

“Do you know how many children  


Go to little beds at night,  


And without a care or sorrow  


Wake again with morning light?  


God in Heaven each name can tell,  


Know you, too, and loves you well,  


He’s our best and dearest Friend,  


He’s our best and dearest Friend.”  


Eliza can see the exact moment when Philip gives up. His face relaxes and he lets out a last shaky breath. Eliza can´t help the agonized scream and like far away she hears Alex mumbling the word “no” over and over again. She buries her face in Philip´s hair, sobbing uncontrollably, while Alex clings to her hand, or she to his, she can´t even tell. After a few moments, she feels Alexander moving and then he hugs her from behind, hands clutching at her jacket. He holds her in silence, rocking them slowly as his tears soak her clothing. Eliza´s sobs are only broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before giving in to the agony again.

Strangely, Eliza hasn´t felt that connected to Alex in a long time, their shared grief forming a bond between them that hasn´t been there for some time now. They are connected by something parents never want to share, a grief that´s too big for both of them, a suffering too terrible to name.

Do you know how many children go to little beds at night, and without a care or sorrow, wake not up with morning light?


End file.
